literature

Commission: Kid Icarus: Palutena's Cookbook

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Palutena, Goddess of Light and four-time winner of the 'Miss Deity' beauty contest, was lounging about in her room and reading through a cookbook she had 'picked up' from a human store. Aside from leading armies of tiny winged men, kicking Pit around, and passively observing the lives of her subjects down below, Palutena did not have many hobbies to keep herself occupied. Goddess life wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She had started to consider several options, but she was still too lazy to take on most of them, especially the more physically exhaustive hobbies like rock-climbing or running track. However, she did like the idea of being able to cook, because she enjoyed food quite a lot (despite not actually needing it to survive), and she wanted to create something that would last as long as her, forever...so she wanted to make her own cookbook. The greatest cookbook in the cosmos.

"Lady Palutena! Lady Palutena!" Pit burst into the room, in a total panic, "I have really bad news! It's terrible! It's a catastrophe! Medusa and Hades...they've...they've just destroyed the gates to the underworld, and now they're teaming up and they summoned back all of the old bad guys we killed before, and...!"

"Pit, be quiet! I have a mission for you right now!" Palutena announced.

"Y...Yes?"

"I need you to go and obtain me as many different ingredients from the humans' markets as you can! And be quick about it! Just tell them that you're on a mission for the Goddess, and they'll probably let you take what you need for free. Otherwise, just buy them. I'll see about paying you back later."

"You don't pay me at all, Lady Palutena! And besides that minor issue, didn't you just hear what I was telling you about Hades and Medusa? Why would you need ingredients? We need to get ready for a battle, don't we?" Pit exclaimed.

"But, Pit, you need to do this for me, or else I can't start on this new idea I just had! It's going to be really great!"

"Lady Palutena, please excuse me if I sound like I'm being rude, but I don't believe we should be worrying about ingredients right now-"

"Pit!" Palutena's voice took on a deep, authoritative tone as she addressed her ward, "I don't mean to start yelling at you like this, but when I tell you to do something, it is your duty to obey me, is it now? I like to consider we have a friendly, close bond despite you being a simple soldier and I an immortal deity, and while I consider your input important, I'm putting my foot down this time and DEMAND that you gather as many cooking ingredients for me as you can! "

Pit didn't want to risk pointing out Palutena was being rather two-faced; instead, he just rushed for the door. Evil could wait. Right now, he had to worry about keeping his scrawny butt from getting booted back into the unemployment line. He took the largest empty satchel he could find and hurried for the land below, to begin collecting as a 'tribute' to the great Goddess of Light.


Palutena clapped her hands as she watched Pit struggled to lift the bursting satchel onto the counter-top. There were packets of food overflowing from the open bag, spilling over the table and onto the floor. The emerald-haired matriarch stood off to the side, content in simply watching her young pupil valiantly attempt to push and raise a mass several times bigger than he was. She gave him her best support possible.

Palutena beamed. "You did well, Pit! Very well indeed! Thank you!"

"Y...You're welcome, Lady Palutena..." Pit would have much appreciated it more if the almighty Goddess could lend him a hand too.

"I'm sure you're wondering, just what could I be intending to do with all of these ingredients?" Palutena grinned, clearly trying to goad Pit into asking her.

Pit sighed; he knew he had to play along with it. "It did...pass my mind...a few times..."

"I'm going to try and create my own ultimate cookbook!"

Pit gaped, the overloaded bag nearly slipping out of his strained grasp. "A...cook...book?"

"If I can come up with some really amazing recipes, not only will it make me a star in the human world, but it'll help me gather more followers too! Great idea, isn't it?"

"But...but...why would you..."

"Humans love food and they need it to survive, I'm pretty sure, so there'll always be a use for a cookbook...and they'll never forget about me! I'll be getting offerings and prayers from all over the world with this thing! I'll create the tastiest dishes in all of the three realms!"

"I'm not sure, Lady Palutena...it seems like...it could be a waste of time-"

"A WHAT now?"

Pit forced a grin. He pushed the bag, and with this final display of the scrawny angel boy's wimpy might, the bag rolled onto the table and sat there, secure.

"I...I didn't say anything..." He panted. "But...but there's just one thing, I ask..."

"What's that?"

"Please promise me none of your dishes are going to be 'deep-fried angel wings' okay?"

Palutena clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She crossed her arms, looking away. She was silent for a few seconds. The color steadily drained from Pit's face all at once.

"...I don't promise anything."

"LADY PALUTENA!"

"I'm just kidding, Pit! Calm down already! Now let's start sorting the ingredients! I want to get started right away!"

Pit rubbed his back; he was pretty sure he had done some permanent damage to it already. He could almost feel the dislocations in his spinal column. "What...do you want to make, Lady Palutena?" he asked, dreading to hear her reply. He had never tasted Palutena's cooking before, but he had his doubts on her 'prowess'; not even Goddesses were perfect, after all. Pit knew more about it than anyone else.

Palutena giggled, rubbing her hands together with a devilish gleam present in her eyes. "How about a pie?"


"No, no, no! This just won't - urp - this just won't do! It's not tasty enough! It needs more...more something!"

Palutena sighed, pushing away the pie tin filled with crumbs. Despite complaining of its flavor, she had still eaten the entire pie. The Goddess placed the tin among the pile of pie tins she had accumulated so far, all of them test subjects, and none of them fitting the heaven-piercing standards of her cookbook-to-be. Palutena dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. She had spent all day cooking and eating, cooking and eating. She had been trying to create a eggplant pie worthy of any mortal or immortal, but she didn't think she'd hit the sweet spot yet. Palutena wanted her pie to be perfect, just like every other recipe she hoped to make.

She turned her body over to the counter, her rear jiggling, to examine the lengthy list of pie recipes she had written out earlier. She crossed out the previous one, leaving her with just one recipe left. It called for a few extra pinches of sugar and a bit of nutmeg somewhere, but it was almost the entire same as the last few recipes; she couldn't deviate too much from the norm, or else the pie wouldn't end up better at all.

Palutena tugged on her dress a little. It was feeling unusually constricted around her waist, not a sensation she had ever experienced before wearing her godly gown. Palutena frowned; she couldn't deny she ate a little too much pie lately, but it was all in the name of her cookbook, and she was a Goddess of Light, how could she possibly get fat? Maybe her stomach was just feeling bloated from all of the food. That was it, she convinced herself rather quickly. She pinched and pulled at her snug clothes, but when she discovered it made no difference, she simply went back to work. She would change into something more form-fitting later.

'I have at least 99 more recipes to go after this; I can't spend my time worrying about clothes!' Palutena thought.


After she had finally discovered the recipe for the perfect eggplant pie, Palutena's cookbook started coming along fast, already half-completed after a few days of work. She was making and baking delicious goodies left and right, constantly taste-testing to ensure it would enrich her taste-buds the same way it was meant to do so for the customers. Because the Goddess had Goddess-like expectations, her food was constantly evolving to higher and higher 'realms' of taste. She knew that the mortals of the world would flourish over her book and its wonderful recipes yet.

Palutena was feeling quite accomplished over her progress, but at the same time, she had found herself less and less unable to ignore a growing concern. Her weight. Since she started taste-testing, her weight had steadily climbed skyward, and the Goddess, based on what she saw reflecting in her bedroom mirror, had become as fluffy as a newborn kitten. Her face was rounder, her breasts were more pronounced, her arms and hips had some excess flab drooping off of them, and the biggest stand-out of all, her new gut was starting to seep over her waistline. Her belly-button was just barely visible through her clothes, like a black hole, trying to suck everything up.

Palutena slapped her hands to her cheeks, mouth hanging open wordlessly. She could not believe what she was seeing.

Pit stood in the doorway, preparing himself for the inevitable freak-out. Even he was a little disturbed and taken aback by how large his Lady had grown; she had really let herself go. He slipped his fingers in his ears and shut his eyes tight.

"This...this mirror is clearly cursed!" Palutena cried.

Pit opened his eyes. "...What?"

"It must have been Medusa's handiwork; she would do whatever she could to get back at me, even something like this! Tch, what a sore loser. I'll dispose of this thing right away!" With a wave of her hand, Palutena warped the mirror out of her sights. Pit was stunned.

'I know Lady Palutena can be vain sometimes, even to some disturbing levels, but this...this has to be a joke! There's no way she couldn't have noticed that she was fatter even than Thanatos! She's too obsessed with this whole cookbook business!'

He watched her some more, and how her butt shook and jiggled, like jello pudding with vanilla-colored wrapping paper stretched over it. Palutena undressed herself as she prepared to put on some more 'comfortable' clothing, humming a tune as she blissfully ignored the quakes and ripples breaking out all over her obese, unfit body. Palutena was looking to make yet another marvelous dessert for her cookbook.

'Should I tell her the truth? Hmph, yeah, when Shemums fly! I'm not looking to get fried, thank you very much!'

Palutena bent over to grab her pants, and with a great tearing sound, a massive hole opened itself in her underwear. Pit averted his gaze immediately, but that didn't mean he still got a good look for a split-second. Palutena gasped. She forced her pants all the way up over her creamy, chunky thighs, and hurried to finish dressing, trying to keep holding onto that little slippery slope of ignorant bliss, before her fingers could dislodge and she would be forced to plummet head-first back into reality. Pit shook his head.


The cookbook was nearly complete now. The final recipe was going to be a smoothie of Palutena's own concoction. Her intention was to create something 'sweet' but 'filling' at the same time; she was going for a fruit flavor, since she figured fruits would be a more healthy, and more delectable, choice for her last recipe. What she was failing to make note of, however, is that drinking numerous smoothies wasn't going to help her weight go down any. Like every other recipe, she had to be the one to personally taste-test every attempt until it was just right.

"Mmm...so good..."

Palutena gulped down her third smoothie so far, her stomach already bulging and tight as a drum. She was wearing a normal dress, one with more flow and room to it, to properly suit her expanding body. Palutena let a petite belch slip out as she pulled the cup away from her plump lips. She gave her stomach a pat; the drink went down with the smoothness of cream, but she still didn't think she'd hit the 'right spot' yet. She wanted to try at least three...no, five...more smoothies with different blends before making her final choice. Palutena put the glass aside and prepared the next bundle of fruits to mix together. Her fat, lumpy hips swayed and wobbled as she worked. She dragged herself languidly around the kitchen; it was tiresome, having to stand up on her feet for so long.

'Hmm, maybe if I add a few more strawberries...or a whole banana...oh, that would taste divine...!'

Palutena grew steadily hungrier as she watched her concoction mix inside the blending machine. Her stomach was on the verge of slipping over her waistline, to dangle helplessly as it swelled even further in size, and her breasts were practically larger than her own head. Speaking of, her face had become much fatter over time, with puffy, squishy cheeks and an even puffier chin, which had started to fuse with her chubby neck. Palutena's rump was getting fleshier by the day, and as Pit continued to observe his Lady from the safety of the window, he figured she could crush Medusa's army alone with that giant butt, no need to get the Centurions on the job. She could probably plummet down to Earth, and the people below, those poor, unfortunate souls, would mistake her behind for an incoming meteor. Her butt was bigger than the Space Kraken, and that thing was aptly named a 'Galactic Fiend'. Pit shook his head; he spent too much time writing down jokes about Palutena's rear. He was genuinely concerned for the Goddess. She didn't have to fear for her health like a mortal, but being so obese wouldn't do well for her figure or reputation. How could the people depend on a deity to protect them, when said deity would allow herself to grow so lazy and fat on their prayers?

Palutena was drooling like a dog when the blending finished. "Ooh...this is gonna be good..." she cooed. She drank straight from the blender glass, letting some of the smoothie dribble down her chin and into the depths of her cleavage. Her stomach grew further before Pit's very eyes.

He hoped that those who purchased Lady Palutena's cookbook were more responsible with how much they ate on a regular basis.


Palutena and Pit decided, or rather Palutena decided on her own, to celebrate the completion and release of the cookbook with a day at the beach. Palutena had wanted to try out her newest swimsuit, and she was feeling like showing off a lot of skin, even if the only ones present to see it were Pit and a few Centurions; Pit was pretty sure they reproduced asexually anyway, making it more pointless. Pit sat alone on the water's edge, letting the cool waves wash over his bare feet, as he waited impatiently for the Goddess to come out of the changing room she had procured out of thin air. Although he wished she would be quicker, he was also dreading what he would see, and if it would mean Palutena would finally come to understand how fat she'd become. Pit wanted to be far, far away before that atom bomb went off.

Pit couldn't help but feel they had forgotten something though. Something important. He could see what looked like dark-red clouds forming in the distance.

"Oh, Pit! I'm ready! Time to see your glorious Palutena in all of her splendor!"

Pit hesitated, but as he heard the thumping of feet approach, he turned his head to look. He got only a brief eye-full of belly before Palutena's heavy, swinging gut slapped him across the face. It was like being whacked with a brick. Pit could feel his brain rattle inside his skull.

"Ah! Pit! I'm...I'm sorry! I didn't see you there!" Palutena cried.

Pit stood up, rubbing his aching head. Palutena was wearing a skimpy, tight-fitting bathing suit that cut into her flesh, like strings wrapped around a large slab of filet. She was bigger-looking than she had ever been before. Her belly was protruding far over her legs, slapping against the tips of her knees, and it was already looking full and red-taut, like it could literally pop; the Goddess had been sneaking too many treats on the way down to the beach. It was like the apron she wore during her taste-testing had fused to her body, and became nothing but pure fat and flesh attached to her. Her arms and legs were doused in more flab than ever, her double-chin had become a triple, and her breasts were starting to spread apart, slinking over the vast sphere that engulfed the majority of the deity's body. Palutena's legs were hidden by a beach towel she wore around her waist, but it didn't keep her massive rear-end from sticking out, visible even from the front side of her, it was much wider than it was tall. She was a big girl, bigger than life, and if she kept getting bigger, she would probably overtake the entire universe with her girth. Pit coughed; he really needed to say something, and he needed to say it now.

"I'm really sorry, Pit." Palutena apologized again, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm okay...thank you, Lady Palutena..."

"You look upset, though; what's wrong?"

Pit fumbled with his words as he attempted to come up with the nicest, safest way to explain his position. "Well, you see...L-Lady Palutena...I'm really happy for your cookbook and everything, but I think it...it..."

"What?"

Suddenly, the ground itself started to shake with violent tremors, the waves rose and fell erratically, and the very wind dropped to a freezing chill. Pit cast his eyes back over the ocean, to see that the accumulation of red clouds was closing in on them. A pair of massive figures emerged; it was Medusa and Hades! They had somehow reconciled their differences and joined forces! Pit had forgotten all about them, and judging from the shock and terror present on Palutena's face, she hadn't been aware of it in the first place.

Pit grabbed Palutena's soft, doughy shoulders. "Lady Palutena! Please! Give me the power of flight! I'll fight them both off!"

"Pit..." Palutena blushed, motioning her head to point out that he was physically touching her. Aside from the hand, in any normal circumstance, Pit was not allowed to lay hands on the Goddess. Pit quickly tore his hands away, as if he had just placed them upon a burning stove.

"S-Sorry..."

"It's alright. Get yourself ready, Pit! I'm going to give you as much power as I can afford! You need to take those jerks down in five minutes or else you'll burn up, you hear me?"

Pit gulped; he doubt he could defeat both powerful foes in five minutes alone, but he had no other choice but to try. He summoned his orbitars and his trusty blade to his side.

"Go, Pit! Go out and brawl to the extreme!" Palutena commanded of him.

"I will! Thank you, Lady Palutena!" Pit waved to her.

Pit took off in a single bound, speeding toward the cloud, and what may be his ultimate victory or his ultimate destruction.

Palutena sighed. She hoped that her vassal would be okay. When she got stressed, she usually took to eating nowadays. She reached into the folds of her gut and removed a candy-bar she had concealed there. Palutena snickered as she unwrapped the treat; she never would have been able to carry it around without the help of her luscious big-girl figure.

A commission for :iconrippleinapond: featuring Palutena from the Kid Icarus game series, particularly focusing on the Uprising game's canon. Palutena wants to create a cookbook to make her permanent mark on the mortal world, but it ends up affecting her waistline more than anything else. The plot was created by the commissioner with minor tweaks on my part. I hope it's alright, and please comment and/or fave too! Thank you!

Kid Icarus @ Nintendo
© 2013 - 2024 Borin23
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Googlehsbdgyc's avatar

Great story, trough I would have liked it if there was some Pit WG. But if that's not your style, I apologize