Nier WG: The One Who Loved Yonah's Cooking 1

Nier slowly stepped inside his small and humble abode, the door creaking noisily as it was pushed open. Following behind him were a pair of cloaked figures along with one of his closest companions: a floating, talking book by the name of Grimoire Weiss. The silver-haired man seemed unnaturally on-edge for some reason. He cautiously glanced around the room, which served as both a living room and a kitchen. He wondered if his daughter, who had been fast asleep last time he checked on her, had been aroused from her nap by his brief departure.

"...Yonah, are you up?" he called out in a whisper.

Suddenly, a tiny voice replied, "Yes, dad. I've been awake since I heard you leave the house." The ten-year-old girl popped her head out from behind the kitchen counter, giggling to herself. Nier just smiled and rolled his eyes.

The father and daughter shared a momentary embrace. This was before the young girl finally caught notice of the fact that they had visitors present. She had never met either of them before, but for some reason, she could immediately tell right away who they were. She had heard her father speak highly of them so many times in the past. A smile broke out on her lips as she turned to face them.

"Oh, these two must be Kaine and Emil, the ones who help you fight the Shades, right, dad?"

"Ha ha, that's right! Oh yeah, you two can take off the disguise now." Nier chuckled, turning to his two friends standing behind him. The cloak dropped to the floor in a heap.

"You know, just hiding underneath a goddamn stuffy cloak isn't much of a fucking disguise." snarled the voice of a teenage woman. Yonah gasped. She was the most scantily-clad woman Nier's innocent daughter had ever seen. Kaine had silver hair, similar to her and her father, and she wore only a simple light-blue nightgown and a pair of panties that were far too small for her. Her left arm and leg were wrapped tightly in bandages, and there was small slits on the bra section of the nightgown, almost revealing her nipples. There was something else that stood out, but Yonah knew it would be too impolite to even think about it.

"C'mon, Kaine, you know it was the best we could really come up with at such short notice. After all, Popola and Devola said we weren't allowed in the village because it scared the villagers. I still thought our plan worked out pretty well, considering no one saw us!" said a being that, despite speaking with the voice of a young boy, was far stranger in appearance than the woman. Yonah wasn't even sure just what she was looking at.

He had a sphere-shaped head with tiny round eyes and an eerie grin permanently etched on his face. He wore a ragged green cloak over the rest of his body, but Yonah could clearly see skeletal feet sticking out from underneath, and he appeared to be floating in mid-air somehow.

A woman who dressed in barely anything and spoke with a venomous tongue, and a mage with only a skeleton for a body. It was so incredibly bizarre that it may as well have been a scene from another world altogether. And yet...

Yonah's eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement. "Dad...they look so...so cool!"

"Eh?" If Emil could have blushed from the girl's flattery, he would have, "Y-You think I look cool? Even though I'm like this?"

"Yeah! Really cool! It's the most realistic costume I've ever seen!"

"Costume..." Emil seemed to become lost deep in thought as he muttered this word over to himself. He didn't know what he could say. He couldn't bring himself to correct her, so he simply bowed and graciously accepted her kind words. He had never thought himself as being nearly as 'cool' as his idol Nier, but apparently he was cool in the eyes of the man's daughter. That raised his spirits a little.

Kaine shrugged her shoulders, and leaned against a wall as she took in her surroundings. She sniffed. "Hey, Nier, this is a pretty nice place you got. It's like a mansion compared to that shit-hole I had to live in for the past few years."

"Uh, Kaine? I'd appreciate if you, er, didn't swear so much in front of my child." Nier sheepishly replied. He had grown used to Kaine's habit of swearing like a sailor, even at the most inopportune moments, but he certainly didn't want Yonah picking up any of her 'inappropriate' choice of words either.

"That's right, you hussy," The hovering tome snapped at the young woman, "We do not need your vile language defiling the ears and mind of the innocent!"

"If you had a real face I'd fucking pop you one right now, book." Kaine responded coldly.

"Hmph...as if I'd even give you the chance to do such a thing!"

"One more word out of you and I'm throwing you straight into the fireplace! No doubt about it!"

"Hey now, you two! You don't need to start fighting ALREADY, do you?" Nier spoke up. He was always the one who had to step in and break up any arguments that arose between Kaine and Weiss. Which, unfortunately, was quite often. There just didn't seem any possible way for the swords-woman and the magical book to get along. Their personalities were far too different, and it didn't seem like much else could draw them into putting aside these differences.

Yonah took a step forward. She wanted to try and change the conversation, for the sake of her father at least. "Umm, would you two like something to eat?" she inquired. She had a few new recipes in mind lately that she had been itching to make.

"Oh, yeah, I'm starving! Haven't had a damn thing all day!" Kaine exclaimed as she made her way over towards the dining table to take a seat. As she walked by her, Yonah noticed that Kaine's panties had been lazily stitched together in the back, still revealing almost her entire buttocks. Before this moment, Yonah would never have guessed it was even possible for someone to get by wearing such an assemble. Her father certainly knew some fascinating people through his line of work.

Suddenly, Yonah felt Nier's strong hand rest upon her tiny shoulder. "Uh, Yonah, are you really sure you want to...?"

"Huh? Why wouldn't I, dad? After all, they're guests, and they deserve a nice hot meal, don't they?"

"Err, yes, you're right about that, but...uh..." Nier wouldn't dare say it to his daughter's face, but for as long as he could remember, her cooking skills had been absolutely abysmal. The last time he had allowed Yonah to cook, the lamb stew she was trying to make was filled with strange, black chunks and smelled like a campfire being put out with piss. It was practically inedible, and it tasted absolutely horrible. Just thinking back to it made Nier cringe in disgust. Still, he loved his daughter unconditionally and had graciously accepted anything she made for him without complaint. What worried him most was how Kaine would react after trying Yonah's cooking; she wasn't exactly the most considerate of people.

Kaine's slightly husky voice was what dragged Nier back out of his thoughts. "Hey, pops, if the girl wants to cook, let her cook. I'm not picky with what kind of food I eat; I'll take anything I can get."

"You should let her cook, Nier; I may not be able to eat because of my body, but I'm sure Yonah is quite talented." Emil spoke up on the behalf of the young girl. Neither of his friends were making this any easier for Nier himself. He was trapped between a rock and a hard place; he couldn't hurt his daughter's feelings no matter what. It didn't take long before he finally caved in. He let out a sigh, patting his daughter on her head.

"Alright, Yonah...you can cook whatever you want." he smiled at her.

"Yay! Thanks, dad! If you want, you can have some too!"

"Ha ha, that would be...great..."

Grimoire Weiss drifted closer to the father, whispering, "So how are you going to handle this one, then?"

Nier shrugged. "I honestly don't have a clue. I can only wish for a miracle at this point."

The dish that Yonah had wanted to prepare was apparently a food called 'potato dumplings'. It was apparently a popular type of food from the land beyond the sea. However, when she was finally done, Nier, Weiss and Emil instinctively recoiled in horror upon examining the food itself. It looked nothing like dumplings, but instead resembled a bowl filled with rotten cicada husks that had been deep-fried in batter. They smelled even worse than they looked. The horrific 'edibles' contrasted greatly with the adorable smile Yonah wore on her face as she presented the dumplings to a hungry Kaine.

"Here you go! I hope you like them; I can make more if you want afterward!"

Kaine slowly, carefully, picked up one of the charred dumplings, sniffed it, shrugged, and popped it into her mouth. Nier prepared to clamp his hands over Yonah's ears for whatever swear words Kaine was likely to scream. Kaine's eyes grew wide and round, as if she had just experienced a major revelation. She couldn't believe what she was tasting. That first bite was all she needed to decide. It was like a whole new world was opening up before her very eyes. A warmth seemed to spread out from her chest and fill every nerve in her entire body. She stared down into the bowl in front of her for another few seconds before looking at the others.

"Holy motherfucking, cock-sucking son of a bitch! This is the most delicious thing I've ever eaten!" she proclaimed.

Nier, Emil, Weiss, and even Yonah herself were blown away by Kaine's completely unexpected exclamation. 'Is she serious?'

"My god...this woman must have taste buds that are as out of whack as her fashion sense..." Weiss murmured under his breath.

Kaine noisily scarfed down the remaining dumplings within a matter of seconds. She demanded more, which Yonah was more than happy to provide her with. Kaine didn't even concern herself with utensils; she simply scooped it all into her mouth with her gloved hands. After having cleared out the entire pot of dumplings, Kaine leaned back in her chair and let out a very loud, very unladylike belch. Her once-flat stomach had oozed outward into the form of a small, round ball, stuffed to the brim. It was quite visible against the thinly-layered nightgown.

Emil cautiously approached the bloated woman, asking, "Umm, Kaine, are you...are you alright?" He couldn't help but feel a little worried about the strange actions of her sister-like figure. He had never taken Kaine to be such a glutton before.

"Of course I'm okay," she replied, wiping her mouth, "Hell, I've never been better! This food is amazing; it's too bad you can't try some yourself, Emil! And Nier, you're an asshole for keeping your daughter's superior cooking skills all to yourself for so long like this."

Nier couldn't even begin to imagine how to reply to something like that. However, something about how Kaine had said it left him feeling really guilty for some reason.

"I'm so happy that you like my food, Ms. Kaine!" Yonah gushed. Not even her father had spoken so highly of her cooking before. It filled with the little girl's heart with immeasurable joy. She had been living alone in the house for so long, her father always on his journeys to find some cure for her Black Scrawl, that she had almost forgotten the sound of kind words to her ears.

"Hey kid, just call me 'Kaine'. Everyone does."

"A-Alright, Kaine! Would you like something else to eat? I have some ingredients left over to make some lamb stew, if you want!"

"Damn, that sounds great...I've never had that before. Sure, why not?"

No one else but Kaine ate the lamb stew that Yonah quickly put together. She slurped it down like a hungry beast, swallowing without chewing, hardly giving herself much time to even breathe. Each gulp caused her belly to swell bigger and bigger. It was like watching a balloon inflate with air. The silver-haired woman was able to down three bowls worth of the stuff before it was discovered that it had run out. As expected, she was quite livid about this. She was never one to care much about food before, but somehow, Yonah's horrendous cooking had changed something inside of her.

"I have most of the ingredients to make more, but...I'm going to need more mutton and wheat!" Yonah explained, desperate to continue pleasing her guests.

"Just mutton and wheat? Eh, I can - buuurp - get some easy!" Kaine replied. She tried to lift herself up from her seat, but it was plain to see to everyone around here that a certain bulge in her middle made that impossible. Her stomach had expanded further in size, reaching the point that it now resembled a watermelon in both length and width. It seemed immune to the effects of gravity at first but there was no doubt that it would eventually lose that battle. Kaine belched again. Her legs looked slightly thicker, and so did her arms. She kept spouting out various expletives under her breath as she struggled to stand. Sighing, Nier reached over and carefully pushed Kaine back down.

"Don't worry about it, Kaine; me and Weiss will take care of it. We can't have you going out and getting seen by the villagers right now anyway. It's too risky."

Kaine looked away, eying the empty pot sitting on the kitchen counter."W-Well, if you say so...but hurry back, dammit! I'm starving over here!"

"Good luck, dad!"

Upon stepping outside of the house, Nier suddenly felt like a great weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. A million thoughts ran through his mind all at once. He didn't even know where to start. The most he could really do at this point was just focus on the task at hand, and head out into the plains to collect the ingredients.

"...From your prolonged silence, I can tell that you are just as shocked as I am." Weiss finally spoke up as they neared the northern gates.

"I just don't get it, Weiss. As Yonah's father, I know her best, and I know that her cooking skills are...severely lacking. What exactly would cause Kaine to like it as much as she does? I'm glad that this didn't turn into a big fiasco, but, I'm kinda confused here. Can you figure this out for me, Weiss?"

"Even I cannot say for sure what the answer is. Maybe your daughter's food needs to be eaten by someone with an acquired taste. A very special acquired taste, mind you. Beyond that, I truly haven't the faintest idea. I do recall the time when the hussy was able to eat those poisoned berries without suffering any effects. Her stomach must be made of iron. However...I just cannot believe how...how large...she became from all of the food she ate so far..." Weiss mumbled the last sentence to himself.

"It makes me wonder just what exactly Kaine used to eat in the past that would make her think my daughter's cooking is the greatest thing ever. It's...well, it's really damn depressing. As long as it's something that is making both my daughter happy and Kaine happy, then I'll support it! She's been through alot and finding some happiness through food is a good thing for Kaine. You with me, Weiss?"

Weiss, who had been lost in thought, quickly snapped around. "Huh? What? Oh, yes, yes, I'll go with whatever you say!"

And so Nier rushed out into the northern plains with sword and magical tome in hand. Meanwhile, back at the house, Kaine remained glued to her seat, groaning, cursing and belching as she ran her slender fingers over the stretched expanse of her abdomen. To anyone else who was not aware enough, they could have easily mistaken the young woman for being 7 to 8 months pregnant. Emil and Yonah both stared at her with a mixture of wonder and amazement. They approached Kaine with their eyes fixated on her gut.

"What is it?"

"Kaine...can I help rub your stomach for you, to soothe the pain?" Emil offered while trying to keep his voice as steady as he could. Yonah nodded in agreement.

Kaine smirked at them. "Well...if you want."

A shiver shot up the length of Kaine's spine as the tiny hands, soft and a little cold, began to massage her bloated stomach. It was such a nice feeling, almost like nothing she had experienced for a very, very long time. It was like the feeling of the sun's warm rays wrapping around her as she slept peacefully in the middle of a grassy field. Kaine tilted her head back. In fact, it was all just making her feel a bit hungry again. She had never been given the chance to indulge like this, and Nier seemed more than willing to give her that chance. They didn't have to run around and kill Shades all the time. They could afford to take this little break.

'I think I'm going to like it here...' Kaine thought to herself. It wasn't a thought she had ever expected herself to think before today.

Little did the swords-woman realize that all of the food she had just eaten was, due to Yonah's inadvertent actions, even more fattening than it would be normally. And now that she was so addicted to it, she wasn't about to say 'no' to having even more.